“For nothing is impossible with God.” (Luke 1:37)
Today was a good day—a productive day. Started the morning with a nutritious meal, spent some quiet time with God, cleaned out my closet, and hit the gym. But the highlight of my day was the meeting my boyfriend and I had with a therapist specializing in addiction and depression. It meant so much to me that he agreed to come along. He was attentive, engaged, honest, and supportive. Not once did he make me feel ashamed or guilty. I was able to open up to him as well as the counselor in a calm, candid manner that was refreshing. I’ve been to my fair share of therapists in the past, but this time felt different. I felt ready. There were no tears or sob-stories, no drama or excuses, just three adults having an open discussion about a very real problem.
In the past, I would most likely just tell the therapist what I thought he or she wanted to hear and carry on unshaken and unchanged. I never really felt present in the room. Almost as if another person was sitting in the chair where I sat, saying things that weren’t entirely true. Today I felt like I was being completely honest.
For the first time in my life, I want my sobriety. I want to do the work. I want to sift through all the rubbish, no matter how much it hurts. I long to get to the root of the troubles that inhibit me.
“What shall we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, then who can ever be against us?” (Romans 8:31)
I often wonder if moving to Germany was the right decision. Was it part of God’s plan or was I forcing it because its what I thought I wanted? I’ve faced a number of obstacles since making my decision to move overseas. At times I was convinced these obstacles were signs that I was going against God’s will. I’ve been challenged emotionally, spiritually, and physically, but, by the same token I’ve experienced more joy in the last year than I could have ever dreamt possible. God doesn’t promise an easy path, he does however, promise his unwavering assistance along the way. So maybe, just maybe, I’m exactly where God wants me.
In her devotional book, Jesus Calling, Sarah Young tells us that when we decide to take a course of action that is in line with God’s will, “nothing in heaven or on earth” can stop us. We may encounter obstacles as we move towards our goals, but with God’s help, we can overcome any hurdle placed before us.
I’ll never know what my life would have looked like had I stayed in Arizona, and that’s okay. I truly believe God has a purpose for me here in Germany, and I’m determined to discover what that purpose is.
My sobriety will be infinitely challenged for as long as I remain on this earth, regardless of which continent I dwell, but I’ll keep fighting the good fight until my time on earth is through.
“God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble. Se we will not fear when earthquakes come and the mountains crumble into the sea. Let oceans roar and foam. Let the mountains tremble as the waters surge!” (Psalm 46:1-3)
So life is good again. I’m 26 days sober; feeling motivated, vibrant, energetic and peaceful. While some people might congratulate me, I know better. These are critical times and I mustn’t get comfortable. From my experience, it is when everything is running smoothly that the devil tries to tempt me into despair. It’s when I let my guard down that he makes his move.
Some people say they can’t possibly believe in a God who allows so many bad things to happen. But the way I see it, God allows trials, tragedies, and temptations so that we may come to know and rely on him.
The more hardship I go through, the more convinced I become that God is not dead. So I pray…
Dear Lord, thank you for another beautiful day of sobriety. Things are looking up and I’m so grateful. I want to stay close to you. I want to do things your way, but sometimes your way seems clouded. I don’t know which road to take. Please show me the path forward, moment by moment, and give me the courage and strength to take it. Help me slow down and learn to accept your pace. The path before me is long and windy, but with you by my side, I musn’t fret or worry. You are the All-powerful and Almighty, may your will be completed in me. In Jesus name, Amen.